My slow sinking into MRM and how to make it stop.
I am writing to you for a fairly serious reason. I am having a bit of a existential problem and really need a liberal female voice to help with it. I have historically been extremely liberal in my views (the same as ALL my friends and close family). I watched the “alt-right killers” bit on youtube and started to think about how far I am pulling away from my traditional feminist role. I was a staunch believer in the way our child support system helped single mothers and growing up without a father was very supportive of taking them for all we could get. However, when my ex left and took the kid I lost everything. The state ended up taking 80% of my take home pay (I had to pay support, her legal fees, insurance) and I made very little at the time. Insurance for my son alone was a huge sum. I would have done anything for him, but I couldn’t even afford gas to go see him. I lost faith in that system. I have heard a sentiment echoed that men that “fear accusations” are “rapists”. I know I have never nor will ever do anything like that. However, I am still scared. I am taking more precautions at work. Leaving doors open during 1:1 meetings, inviting other people along for dinners. My attitude towards the women around me has changed and I have become more protective. Bill Cosby, Kavanaugh, Weinstein these are terrible men. However, as any man that has ever brought their child to a playground knows sometimes we feel like a target no matter how hard we try. Perhaps not taking business trips with women is becoming the new making sure you talk to your child and say ‘Son” loud enough the moms at the park hear. Yet, even with that I still had the cops called on me once. That was a awkward thing to have to explain to my son later. I guess my point is that there have to be other liberal men out there that feel increasingly pushed out of liberal America. Saying to someone you are scared does not invalidate their complaint. Of course, I agree in equality and believing the victim and all of these things. It doesn’t make me not scared. The same way I think child molesters are terrible, but still feel awkward at a playground. I feel like there is no one to listen or hear our concerns. This pushes men who maybe don’t believe in most of MRM, but don’t know where to go to vent about how badly the child support system treated them go to MRM sites to get support. One can be quickly vilified (even by there own family) for mentioning it in liberal circles. This is just one example, but I think there is a bit of making people out to be a villain that pushes men down this alley. When in reality they want to be an ally but also want to feel like their concerns are valid. I want to stress that valid does not in any way mean more important, or even necessarily as important. To go back to a previous example stopping child molesters is far more important than feeling awkward at a park. However there is some amount of a problem when I am being told by a cop there were complaints I was standing by the playground all day. When I am just a dad trying to keep my kid occupied while I work on my phone. Is this just me? Have any of you in the liberal media/fake news heard of anyone else like me? If we say that feminism is about equality for all people is it unreasonable to say that their should be a space in it to discuss issues that affect men, and specifically how feminism affects men. I do not want to go to MRM sites, but saying “my friends ex-wife is falsely claiming he abused her to help with her divorce”. Is not something you can say around my liberal friends. Even if when I ask them one on one they all don’t think he would do that and she would do anything to “win” the divorce. In a group the immediate response is false accusations like that don’t happen. Systemically it is highly unlikely I agree, but we have known this guy for 20 years and you will all turn your back on him. Again I don’t know what to do. I can feel the pull of MRM sites.